"Rise Up and Live in the Light of Oneness"

May your steadfast love endure to those

Who know You

Your saving grace to those

Who love truth and justice!

Protect us from the seeds of arrogance

The weeds of greed drive away

Open the hearts of those who live in

darkness O Beloved

that they might rise up and live

in the Light of Oneness

                                                                                                                                 

Psalm 36

Nan Merrill

It has been quite sometime since I found myself in a place where the imperative to write has been this strong.  Life has marched on with its daily challenges to be engaged in and present to the baptismal call to be “a holy nation, a people set apart.”

Today, I am preparing for leading a Morning Prayer service at the national gathering of Call to Action in Albuquerque, NM.  I selected Nan Merrill’s paraphrase of

Psalm 36 as part of the service months ago.  In this time of national transition, these words touch me in a new way. 

I hurt me at a visceral level to see the people I know and cherish turning toward judgmental, shaming words focused on their neighbors and friends.  Many years ago, I lead hundreds of high school students through an exercise that challenged them to pause before having sexual encounters at a party by closing their eyes and seeing my face.  They all shrieked and laughed! (as well they should.) It was a moment that brought front and center the idea of “think before you act.” 

Here we are at the open door of new leadership in the United States of America.  We know a great deal about the groundwork being laid. We know Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, Jeff Sessions and Chris Christy.   We may not all agree with them but we know them. To know them gives each of us important information on at least the basic framework that is emerging.  This knowledge must begin to shape how we will each move forward in the dialectic that we cherish in this nation of ours.

The great challenge for the Catholic in the Diaspora as it is for all the baptized is to close our eyes and before we make a statement that demeans or shames, no don’t see my face (although that will make you laugh and break the tension), look into God’s eyes. See the Love that makes this moment possible and respond in charity.

Do not fall prey to

Ignorance lives deep in the hearts

Of those who know not Love;

There is not reverence for Truth

Before their eyes

Public figure, public policy, laws and governments can only modify the structures in which we live.  Fortunately, the rights of assembly and speech continue to be bedrock of the USA.  This freedom is extraordinary.

The change of the heart comes from another place.  It is changed hearts that bring respect and grace to any social framework.

Being agents of the heart in the framework of our political process is the call of the baptized.  Keep looking into the eyes of the Loving One and believe those who have been called, whether they are Jews or Greeks, slave or free we believe in a Christ who is both the power of God and the wisdom of God.”   Be the living expression of the freedom that is ours in baptism.  It is the freedom of those who

Rise up and live

in the Light of Oneness.

Alleluia!

                                                                                                                                 

Draw Us In the Spirit's Tether

Draw us in the Spirit's tether; For when humbly, in thy name,

Two or three are met together, Thou art in the midst of them:

Alleluya! Alleluya! Touch we now thy garment's hem.

As the brethren used to gather In the name of Christ to sup,

Then with thanks to God the Father Break the bread and bless the cup,

Alleluya! Alleluya! So knit thou our friendship up.

All our meals and all our living Make us sacraments of thee,

That be caring, helping, giving, We may true disciples be.

Alleluya! Alleluya! We will serve thee faithfully.

Percy Deamer (1867-1936)

 

Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am in the midst of them. 

A challenge of being a Catholic in the Diaspora is the lack of community. There are few places where we can gather in prayer, share the challenges and joys of our journey in faith, and just have a good time laughing or crying.   The absence of this connection is painful.  The disciples of Jesus gathered and shared their fears and joys.  We are called to do the same.

But how? Where? When?  These are questions I ask myself. Many of you have posed the same and expressed hope that such an opportunity could develop.

So, with faith in the Spirit and the urging of my friends, I am floating the idea of a community of prayer.  I keep coming back to the idea that this eclectic group of seekers could come together as a contemporary expression of the ancient traditions of celebration, contemplation and action of the Roman Rite. I imagine a confederation of people radical in the desire to return to the roots of faith in the Baptismal call and contemporary in imperative to be in the messiness of our daily living.

I also have this idea that it might be time to explore the impact of rearranging the order of the mass.  I surely know all he reason why this should “not” happen.  I am not saying it “should” but might it?

We are told, “When supper was ended He took the cup…” (1 Cor 25) The singing of songs followed the meal.  (Mark 14:26)   Today we close the family meal, well that is when the sports schedule permits, with conversation. Even  when we sing “Happy birthday”, we follow the song with delicious delights and then conversation that tells tales of birthdays long past.  Over looking the complication of the sports line-up, long, intimate sharing of stories around the table bond the family linking the older generation to emerging future.  These are the conversations that pass on family stories, link the future generations to the past and strengthen the bonds of family. This has been widely studied by scholars and reported in the literature.

It is no mistake that the important business meeting also center around a shared meal.  Although a sale might happen before the main course is served, it is the informal conversation that accompanies that cappuccino that solidifies the relationship. 

 Why can’t this be a model for a Eucharistic meal? 

What I propose is beginning with introductory rites that look at the collective praise of God and seeking forgiveness.  Then the Liturgy of the Eucharist is the meal we celebrate together in faith.  It nourishes us and fills us with the light of understanding that enveloped the apostles at Emmaus,  “And they knew him in the breaking of the bread.” (Luke 24:13-35

Then filled with this intimate knowing of Jesus and torn open by the gifts of the Spirit, we share the stories of faith in the Liturgy of the Word.  “Our hearts are opened” and the stories of faith come alive.   Like the family meal,  nourished and well fed, we share the stories of our faith and support each other for the work of church in the world.

Worship closes with a commissioning.

I shared this idea with a fellow pastoral musician who was aghast and said “There will be no one in the church.  You know everyone will leave after communion!”  I take this as a very sad commentary on the state of the parish experience of the Eucharistic celebration.  “It is all about ‘getting communion’ ,” he said.  I must sadly agree. This has been my experience as well.  

I will stop here to give you time to ponder.  Your thoughts?

Home is Where the Heart Is

“Home is where the heart is” Can the Roman Rite be “home” for me?

Whimsically, I selected “Home Is Where the Heart Is: Being LGBTQI & Home in the Catholic Church” as the title for webinar to sponsored by Call to Action (register here if you are interested).  The description of the webinar is

I am so often asked, “How can you stay in THE Church?”  For me it all comes down to the adage that “Home is where the heart is.”  Being “home” and in relationship with “family” is always a complicated dance of acceptance, boundaries, and frankly, God’s grace.  In this webinar, I will share some of my experiences in the struggle as a gay man in and out of the church as a pastoral musician, AIDS provider, and family member. Our dialogue will include an open forum for discussion and mutual support. To get us started, I propose a few guiding questions:

• How do/can LGBTQI Catholics reconcile who they are and still invest in the faith they love?
• What “best practices” have worked for you/others in navigating the LGBTQI-Church relationship?
• In what ways can Catholicism spiritually nourish and support our LGBTQI brothers and sisters in their faith journey?
• Did to take on more than I can “chew?”

As you may or may not know, I am a cradle to, as it appears, grave, Roman.  Formed by a father who was an iconic U of Notre Dame guy and church musician, mom who embodies the mystical tradition of the church, Dominican Sisters and friars, and on and on…you get the picture.  I lived the agony of the reforms of the Second Vatican Council defending the changes and embracing all that came with these monumental reforms in a household where the Notre Dame man felt betrayed. 

As a result, playing out my story and my dear friend Michael would say, my pastoral music ministry has been one of moving Roman congregations along the way the path to a “fuller more conscious” participation in liturgy.  In my non-Roman rite work, I have applied the same theological foundations to resolving congregational conflicts (They always happen around music.).

This same foundation has shaped my work in public health, education and swimming instruction.  We are called to be community.  I hold these opening paragraphs of Music in Catholic Worship close to my heart (emphasis is mine),

1. A person is a Christian because through the Christian community he has met Jesus Christ, heard his word in invitation, and responded to him in faith. Christians gather at Mass that they may hear and express their faith again in this assembly and, by expressing it, renew and deepen it.  

2. We do not come to meet Christ as if he were absent from the rest of our lives. We come together to deepen our awareness of, and commitment to, the action of his Spirit in the whole of our lives at every moment. We come together to acknowledge the love of God poured out among us in the work of the Spirit, to stand in awe and praise. 

4. People in love make signs of love, not only to express their love but also to deepen it. Love never expressed dies. Christians' love for Christ and for each other, Christians' faith in Christ and in each other, must be expressed in the signs and symbols of celebration or it will die. 

There you have it; I am Roman. 

My reconciliation and peace with this admission has not come without struggle and constant reflection. 

I always come back to this same, all-important phrase “People in love make signs of love….” I/We are recipients of that great love that is unfailing, unquestioning, and unimaginable.  Wrapped in this love, I know the truth of the psalmist, “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear? The lord’s is my life’s refuge, of whom should I be afraid?”

So how does this make it possible to be a member of the Roman rite? Because I am. Fully initiated into the family of faith. Period.

I/we all come from families where, no matter how well meaning, have their own level of dysfunction.  There is no “perfect” family. Why? In life, each individual takes from the experience what he or she does and those experiences form him or her.  Family systems are tough, complex and ever human As adults, we respond to these earliest relationships as we accept, reject, modify, manage, reframe, re-envision, heal, suffer, rejoice, hold warm memories, relive nightmares…

In the end, we either chose to make peace with that kaleidoscope of experience or not.

So it is with the hierarchical structure of the Roman Rite.  It is an institution into which I was born.  Like the Department of Motor Vehicles, it is a bureaucratic organization that embodies the best and worst of such a structure.  They are enduring, reliable and highly structured. They are also very slow to change, riddled with political intrigue, and exist to maintain themselves.  Ultimately, I had to ask myself, can I going to carry anger toward this nameless, faceless entity at the expense of my relationship with God and the community of faith? 

My answer, I am going to try to dissipate my anger and develop a management plan that brings me the best of the tradition without the persistent, dull pain of expecting anything from an institution.

I am a “person in love” looking to “express my love to deepen it” with Jesus, in Jesus.   The tradition, not the institution, offers a richness in history and spirituality upon which I can draw.  For example, a constant thread that runs through the tradition is the gathering of faithful seekers eager to find a new way.  Time and again, these faithful became communities that embraced the gospel message in a way, contemporary for their time.  Sometimes these communities survived into future generations; sometimes they came to a close more quickly. 

The annual meeting of the National Catholic AIDS Conference was a powerful expression of this coming together.  Each year people of faith, many not Romans, from strata of society, ecclesial rank, sexual orientation and life experience join to be Eucharist.  We gathered in  reflection, discussion, parties and ritual to make these few days the “source and summit” of our lived experience of faith. 

Models of Church, the classic reflection by Avery Dulles, SJ, provides an alternative framework for placing this experience in context.  Only one of the models he proposes is the Church as Institution.  Although Dulles ultimately rejected his own reflections in favor of a single model, they do tap into a richness that opens rich pathways for me.  Church Herald, Servant, Sacrament, Community, and School of Discipleship each offer an important vision of the Living God as expressed as the people of the font.  As we rise from the font these reflections define the community to which we belong and the road to freedom in faith.

So, as the institution works to maintain itself, even in the face of Pope Francis, we the People of God move forward.  God knows, no one is created “intrinsically disordered.”  No one is outside the Love that is God.  No one is beyond the reach of a home in the company of saints.    We are created in the image and likeness of God. We are of God. How can God, then, hate an aspect of God?  Can God create and aspect of God’s self as disordered? 

Ultimately, words hurt.  The language of fear and hate that the Institution continues to promulgate are hurtful and dangerous.  They do not, however, define us unless we embrace that definition.  The Institution, like our family of origin, organizes our life in our earliest experiences. As adults we grow and have the personal responsibility to make peace with these formative years as an essential element of becoming an integrated adult.

The same holds true with the Institutional Church.  To grow beyond our childhood understanding of Church and faith, we face the realities of the Institution directly and look beyond their limitations to the ever-living love of God.

Rome is my home, my family, dysfunctional, flawed, sinful and human as it is.   I was formed and shaped in this morass of Incarnational mess. As an adult, I chose to focus on the gifts of bountiful grace that are mine despite all; focus on the love I have known as the People of God "share signs of love."

The great invitation of God, is to live under the shadow of love and live in great delight.  This is the eternal sign of love.

Such it is, living in the Diaspora.

 I Sat Down 

Sir Edward Bairstow

I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. (Song of Songs 2:3,4)

The Darkness of Hell Descends on Orlando

Holy is the true light, and passing wonderful, lending radiance to them that endured in the heat of the conflict: from Christ they inherit a home of unfailing splendour, wherein they rejoice with gladness evermore. 

Translated from the Salisbury Diurnal by G. H. Palmer 

When I heard about the tragedy in Orlando, I immediately thought of an often spoken comment from people of my generation, “I am not gay enough…..”  And wrongly, I will admit, said to myself, “Maybe this will let the young ones know that there was a struggle and it continues.”  Yup, a far too narcissistic response to a global tragedy.  

Then, I wept for loss. I wept for the pain of the parents and friends; wept of the lost innocence; wept because it could have been me and my friends; wept imagining that my parents/family/friends/you were receiving this notification……

In the face of this, it is not hard for me to pray for this deeply trouble gunman.  We know today that he was being followed by the FBI but had never taken action.  He was mentally unstable, given to relationship violence.  The man needed help.  

The blame game sickens me.  This one didn’t do their job.  The other overlooked something. Getting guns was too easy.  On and on it goes.

The gospels are clear.  Obama got it right: what hurts one of us hurts us all.  For Catholics, we are reminded of the mystical body of Christ. We are each responsible for building the kingdom by applying two commandments:m  Love God. Love your neighbor as yourself.   That’s it. This gunman and his family require our prayers.  We don't have an option.  Those like him, require our prayers. In them we see the results of the lack of charity and understanding in a world which by our actions and the words we foster in our daily life.  We jump to into blaming, condemning, marginalizing, finger pointing without any attempt to understand with a compassionate, understanding heart. We judge others as we judge ourselves, harshly.

On the broader scale, mental health issues are our issues to address.  Where is the system that helps treat the millions of emotional frail people who roam our streets and populate our jails?  We provide nothing to support and treat them.  

A dear friend called this incident “the darkness of hell”  In it, we have an important calling.  “God is Light in in God is no darkness”  We are called to be the embodiment of the light "that dispels the darkness of fear” and be the vehicles of grace that is love. This is the fight as I see it.

This fight begins within each of us.  Are we really able to “love our neighbor as ourself?”  Do we love “ourself” enough? Or, are we bringing our true feelings about or self in the eyes of God to life in the world by our complicit support of hate, inadequate systems of care, withholding the Love that conquers evil?

I pray for the dead, their families and friends, for the gunman and his family all of whom have experienced such pain and suffering. I pray for each of us that we have the courage to be the light in the darkness the world, in its pain, so desperately needs.

MAy the boundless love that is the resurrection from the dead fill their lives and ours with grace.