Yearning with the Psalmist

Like as the hart desireth the waterbrooks: so longeth my soul after thee, O God.

My soul is athirst for God, yea, even for the living God: when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?

My tears have been my meat day and night: while they daily say unto me, Where is now thy God?

(repeat: Like as the hart desireth the waterbrooks: so longeth my soul after thee, O God. When shall I come to appear before the presence of God?)

(Psalm 42:1-3)

I come to this point in lent and the yearning for connection with the great Love of the Universe becomes overwhelming. I look around and see brokenness, the stealth and not so stealth political pandering to fear, frustration with the end of civil society (whatever that is/was), destruction in the name of hegemonic purity, and all out greed at every level. I mean, can we talk about the desert?

Much has been written about the prodigal son, the Holy Year of Mercy and the Pope Francis’ call to the sacrament of reconciliation. Why does it fall short? Why are we not reconciled and finding the promised peace?

I wonder if our focus on reconciliation with the ultimate source of Mercy is incomplete. We read of the father welcoming the errant, prodigal son. We are told in the Sacrament of Reconciliation that our sins are forgiven and we are again wiped free some sin. Somehow, the longing is not reduced.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a sacrament of action.  It is not passive. The healing grace of this intense encounter with the Divine, charges us with action. It is not enough to say, “Well, that is over. I am wiped clean and can get on with my life,” or “I went to confession and now I am ready for communion.” I rather think that, now reconciled with G-d, we must go forth and live into reconciliation with the world and ourselves. Are we willing to be the father in the story of the prodigal son and heal the rifts in our lives?

Are we willing to heal and forgive the chasm that divides our heart, to forgive our personal failings and make peace with your darkest, most wounded self? As the reading from Origen is quoted in the Office of Readings, “Do not let the night and mist of ignorance steal upon you. “ Alas, we do. It is from this unspoken place that the Prince of Darkness takes hold and craftily hides our eyes from seeing, holds us back from living in the presence of G-d.

Reconciliation is an active process and the practice of this sacrament in the early church reminds us that we are reconciled with G-d  in the community. In my view, this cannot be fulfilled until we embrace our internal longing of healing and wholeness. We “love G-d” and we “love our neighbor as our self.”

The baptism journey is a vision quest of longing to love ourselves enough that we can love our neighbor without projections of our darkness that bring to life our deepest fears. As Origen continued in today’s selection, “So that you may always enjoy the light of knowledge, keep always in the daylight of faith, hold fast always to the light of love and peace.
I’ll let you know how I do with this overwhelming quest.

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A side note for my friends and musical purists; finding a recording of this transcendent work by Herbert Howells was amazingly difficult. In most recordings the organ is barely audible. As a result, the rich harmonic texture that is evocative of the best of the US jazz/blues tradition is lost. Other conductors move too quickly to allow these colors to settle and become an impressionist painting. This is to my ear, the best of the lot. Unfortunately, the “fade” as an ending is not true to the original. You win some and you lose some.

For those that are interested, an essay by Eric Routley